


The bible was only a fan fic anyway...

by Grumpymagizooligist



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 20:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20031529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grumpymagizooligist/pseuds/Grumpymagizooligist
Summary: Maybe suggesting that writing down what happened in the run up to the end off the world hadn't been the best idea.But what was the worst that could happen?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I wake up at 3 am and wander around tumbler.   
It is no where near cannon .   
Well maybe it is .   
We do not get to play dice with the universe.   
References to the mini series and the radio play and of course the original book .   
But mainly this is all the high functioning craziness that was originally written on paper over 15 years ago and now has been expanded upon by this sudden revival in a/c love . 
> 
> Anyway less rambling more story .

  
  
  
  
  


“Well, that was...something.” the demon held the door for his companion, the gentle breeze ruffling at the tiny hairs at the nape of his neck, they stood on end his aura feeling a disturbance on the early night air. Someone was watching them, someone with a capital S. Crowley fought the urge to turn and look for the source, it took a lot of self-control to keep his eyes on his companion, curiosity and fear trying to pull his attention away from his angel. He bit down on the inside of his mouth fighting against the urge to scan for a potential threat, If the almighty still wanted to play a game of silly buggers, well that was up to her, he bloody well didn’t have to play along anymore, not now.

Aziraphale, however, failed to get the memo, his eyes darted all over the quiet sidewalk looking for the source of Divine observation.

“It was rather … wasn’t it ?” The angels' voice came out rather shaky as if he were scanning the words before he spoke, they darted around his speech pattern in much the same way that his eyes (all of them even the metaphysical ones) darted around the empty street.

“Do you think they will leave us alone now?” he ventured, his voice steady. his words caught up with his feet finding his usual reliable stability. It was almost a prayer as it caught on the last of the days sunlight slipping behind the buildings across the square.

This caused two things to happen.

Crowley to question … well, everything.

Secondly, it made the aforementioned demon quietly pray to his maker regarding that whole leaving them alone thing.

Just as suddenly as the feeling of being watched had fallen upon them, it was gone.

Aziraphale paused, shook his head once and a small smile crept across his face.

“Nightcap dear?”

>^^<

“I’ve been thinking--”

“--That’s dangerous.”Crowley didn’t look up from his phone: too engrossed in making sure that the comment section on the Daily Mails facebook page didn’t go by without him poking at that particular nest of vipers with his own snake-like tendencies. It was an easy win and always got him commendations, did it even count anymore? Did it ever? He tried to keep the whiling down to the little stuff, it didn’t take much for the humans to fight amongst themselves these days anyway, more so when they had a keyboard to hide behind. He pushed send and then looked up at his angel, he looked like a potato sitting on a fluffy cloud from this angle. Crowley supposed no one looked there best upside down and contemplated taking his legs from over the back of the soft furnishings and his head from the floor where his entire blood supply seemed to now be pooling around his human brain. 

He had seen Brian and Pepper doing it the last time they had visited Adam, and the Crowley had to admit the urchins were on to something ,the world was better when it was upside down… something about Australia and sunshine according to Wensleydale and being almost as clued up on these sorts of things Adam wasn’t about to argue too much with that. 

Crowley looked under his sunglasses and up at the Angel who was now standing holding a pile of autobiographies, it was unnerving to see him looking like he was burdened with more than just books.

Reluctantly Crowley righted himself, the blood rushing back to all the bits of his human corporation made it feel a little dizzy but at least he was almost already on the floor, so maybe he recovered quick enough for Aziraphale not to notice.

He noticed.

“That can’t be good for you dear.” 

“S’okay, Brian is on to something, sure the old brain works better upside down.”

“It will be the lack of oxygen, I should imagine.”

“Good, job we don’t need it then!” Crowley lent back as nonchalantly as he could when the world was spinning just a tiny touch off its correct axis. 

“You don’t, but your godson's friends do, you shouldn’t encourage such silly behaviour.”

“They started it…” Crowley grumbled under his breath avoiding the angels' gaze.

“They are eleven years old and you are … well … older… set a better example.” there was a teasing in Aziraphale’s voice that did not go unnoticed by Crowley who made a rather grand gesture of removing his glasses and cleaning them on the bottom of his shirt.

“Still a demon,” he smirked.

“Still an angel and your godson is the antichrist, do you really want to get his grandmother and his father coming around because Brian’s gone and snuffed it? Or Somebody forbid something happens to Pepper…”

“Imagine a Ghost, Pepper…”

“I’d rather not dear boy, the real one is sometimes bad enough.” the angel placed his pile of books on top of another pile of books. (Aziraphales filing system left a lot to be desired) 

“I still say we should get Gabriel to babysit, just the one night… I reckon between Adam and his gang he would finally get that stick out of his ass.”

“If it’s anything like when Beelzibub came to drop off that present I can’t imagine it ending well,” *

“Maybe if they teamed up they could divide and conquer?” Crowley reached out taking the book from the top of the pile, took one look at the title and put it back down with a not so gentle thud, raising a well groomed eyebrow at Aziraphale.“How many pages are you on in that one then?” The offending book about Oscar Wilde was picked up by nimble fingers and moved out of Crowley's striking distance.

“Not that many… but that was what got me thinking--”

“--Thinking about your past conquests angel? Care to share?” One of these days Crowley would get it out of him, but it seemed that today is not going to be the day. The Angel gave him a reprimanding look before turning back to his books.

“No dear, I was thinking, after everything… we should write it down somewhere...just in case.”

“Incase what?”

“You know… it gets forgotten about.”

“Everyone but us already has angel, well apart from Them and the Devices, and well upstairs and downstairs...but I get the feeling that there treating it more of a clerical error these days.”

“Exactly... I can’t help feeling, oh it’s silly, I just think that we should document the whole thing just incase they start to get stupid ideas thats all.” Azeraphale looked concerned, it was a look that normally led to copious amounts of wine. Normally that would have been cause for celebration, but Crowley knew that the answer to this wasn’t going to be found in the bottom of a bottle.

“Ok then angel, what’s your plan.”

Even if it eneded up being a stupid one it was worth it just to see that smile.

_ *“So why are you called lord of the flies?”  _

_ “Why do you wear that stupid fly hat?” _

_ “If they want to wear a fly hat they can wear a fly hat, just because you wouldn’t do it Wensleydale doesn’t mean that no one else should” _

_ “It should be bees… I like bees… dog likes bees, he ate one once, made his face swell up like a balloon, dad … real dad, not you know … other dad had to take him to the vets… _

_ “Remember that time that Brian found that wasps nest….” _

_ “Good job it was empty… I wonder if Anatima would like a beehive, I heard witches like bees…” _

_ “Why doesn’t your Uncle Crowley were a silly hat…” _

_ “He’s got that awesome tattoo… plus I don’t think uncle Zira would let him walk around wearing a stupid hat.” _

_ “.... but he lets him wear the stupid sunglasses….” _

_ “I like them.” _

_ “You would pepper, you think Mr C is cool…” _

_ “You would wear a stupid hat if he had one.” _

_ “So would you Brian, and don’t think I haven’t noticed your new tartan socks Wensley …”** _

_ **this went on for a solid half-hour before Beealzibub decided that next time, someone further up could do it… maybe Haster. _

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

It had been some time...that is to say that it had been no time at all, after all, what was time to an entity that could be everything and nothing at all in the time it took to read this line? For the sake of our story, it had been some time, in that time nothing happened. 

Only it did, The Them had gotten a little older and now at the age of eighteen we find them fresh-faced and eager college students, that is to say, they are college students. The fresh-faced stopped as soon as the last of them turned eighteen and eager… well, they were eager for something but it wasn't there studying.

We join our story again on a wet and windy October afternoon, in a bookshop, in a bustling part of London. Only the book shop isn’t bustling, it would be empty if not for the two figures that currently sat at either end of a large wooden desk, one flipping the pages of a first edition and the others attention on the rather oversized mobile phone, eyes set in concentration as they set about causing google maps to lead helpless tourists in pointless circles around Soho. 

It is, as many days have been since the armagedon’t, Nice. One of the four-letter words that ripple through the fabric of the reality in this mausoleum to the written word, there are other four-letter words that also hang unsaid around the walls of this sanctum, Hope,Life, Safe, Home and Love… but the last one still goes unspoken between the two beings that have taken to ignoring the use of such words for the Arrangement between them. 

Outside in the back lane the unmistakable sound of curse words in several languages indicates the success of the latter beings venture into computer programming. 

"I really wish you wouldn't send them up our back alley dearest." Aziraphale sighed as the tell tale sound of a lock indicated the security gate had miraculously released itself near the back of the shop.

"Next doors dog needs the exercise. He's too fat even for a bulldog, plus Angel, keeps them away from the books doesn't it?" 

Aziraphale couldn't help the smirk that snuck up on the corners of his mouth as he looked up from his book and removed his white handling gloves. "Herman, is not fat. He is rotund and all the more lovable for it you foul beast...Tea?"

Outside at the back of the shop, the sound of nervous fear dissolved into giggles as Herman turned from vicious beast to a slobbering ball of canine kisses. Crowley's expression lightened as he lay his phone down getting to his feet. 

"S'okay ,Angel I'll get…" he was cut off by the sound of the bell above the front door sounding. 

The door was most definitely locked.

It was 2.30pm. 

It had been open for exactly eleven minutes this afternoon, way over the usual time Aziraphale would normally allow for an early afternoon.

It had been locked my both demon and angel.

It would be very foolish of it to think it could be anything else but locked with that level of resolve.

Yellow eyes met blue.

They hadn't even sensed anyone try the door. 

Crowley lent back cautiously,leaning past the bible stack to glare at the intruder.

"Adam?"

The disheveled and windswept anti christ stood in the entrance, one scruffy looking hellhound resting against his master's shoulder as he perches in a novelty dog backpack. *

"I have to ask Uncle Crowley,did you know about this ?" 

Crowley looked at his godson, as ever he wasn't quite up to speed, Adam tended to be having a conversation that started in his head ten minutes before he involved you in it. On this occasion, whatever it was that bothered him seemed to have forgone the usual welcome and gone straight to the accusation stage.

Crowley shoved his glasses in to his hairline and shrugged in the general direction of Aziraphale. 

"Know about what Adam dear?" The angel rounded the stacks, reaching forward and scratching Dog behind the ear as he reached the creature. Crowley bit down the pang of longing as the hellhound nudged at his Angel's touch. 

Having attained that neither of his godfathers had any idea what he was talking about, Adam shook his head rummaging in the book bag at his side. 

His hair had begun to fade now, no longer did it frame his face like a halo,The flecks of red creeping in to the roots spoke to Crowley, it told him tails of downstairs, the unwashed student air of scruffiness only added to the look, only the hellhound was a damn sight better than some of the creatures most demons walked around with.

Dog glared at Crowley and Crowley glared at dog. The demon fighting back the urge to hiss out a warning as the four legged beast of the apocalypse sniffed enthusiastically at the Angel's neck while his master rummage in the book bag.

"This… have you both seen this?" 

Adam thrust a tattered and torn book in to Crowley's hands looking both amused and irritated at the same time . 

"Look at the state of that book!" Aziraphale was beside himself with disdain as the crumpled cover and frayed edges.

Crowley turned the book in his hands glancing over the title. It wasn't something he had seen before. Considering the vast multi dimensional reality of A.Z Fells that was an achievement. 

He turned it over looking for some reason that Adam would feel the need to give Aziraphale an aneurysm over a trashy paperback. He randomly flicked open to a page …

_ 'Didn't you have a flaming sword?' _ Crowley froze, looked up at Adam and then back to the text flicking several pages …

_ 'Lower Tadfield'  _ more page flicks  _ 'All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums' _ now it was just getting silly.

Crowley flicked through the pages again scanning the text,it could still just be a coincidence. ' _ Aziraphale. The Enemy, of course. But an enemy for six thousand years now, which made him a sort of friend.'  _ That put the nail in that then. 

"Well...fuck." Crowley looked from the text to Adam. 

"That's what I said when Pepper showed me it." Adam watched as the book fell in to Aziraphales hands, the angel scanning the cover to see if he could make out what had gotten under the antichrist's skin. 

The realisation washed across the bookkeepers face like the shadow of the clouds eclipsing the light from the sun. 

"Oh."

"I know that 'oh', Angel… that's the same 'oh' that preclude the extinction of the unicorn… that is not a good 'oh'." 

Aziraphale had the decency to look ashamed of himself momentarily. Gesturing at the book in his hand he smiled "Well I don't think they got your good side… you don't have horns, either of you… " he looked closer at the front cover of the tattered manuscript trying to deflect from the subject. 

"Aziraphale, what did you do ? " Crowley's voice came out at a pitch almost only audible to canine ears. Dog obliged by whimpering at the appropriate time. And retreating into the relative safety of his masters pack. 

Crowley tried again, "What did you do?"

Blue eyes looked up at him,trying their best at angelic innocence. Something that hadn't ever really fallen right on him. He had always been too much of a bastard.

Flustered the book found its way back into the hands of Adam,who held it as if it was the second coming of himself. He looked between his godfathers wondering just exactly what can of worms he had unleashed.  _ What was it uncle crowley had said about asking too many questions?  _ It wasn't often the two beings acted like an angel and a demon but right now there was a very demonic air coming from one of them and it wasn't the one on his father's payroll. 

Crowley looked defeated and Aziraphale looked rather pleased with himself. At his back Dog chanced a glance back over his shoulder.

"Uncle Zira?" Adam's voice broke the stare down, "Did you know the guys who wrote this?" 

"Not know…I may have had a passing conversation with one in the British library that one time and the other had a very interesting theory about my bookshop--"

"--did you tell them about us !" Crowley looked to be about two breaths away from his snake form and as much as it was always amusing to see a six foot python wearing sunglasses it wouldn't help get any further forward in this line of questioning. The cooing noises that Aziraphale made over a dirty great snake in his bookshop,while entertaining and rather endearing, did rather slow any sort of conversation to a halt. 

"Its fine.. I'm sure nobody ever read the thing…"

_ Oh bugger.  _ How long would he have to be missing before the rest of the Them came looking for him? How long did he have until his TMA was due in ? At least Pepper had found the book in the fiction section. He was about to voice it when Crowley suddenly had his phone in his hand … 

  
  
  
  
  


_ *for reference the backpack is in the shape of a cartoon rocket ship. It was purchased on ebay the second time Adam had discovered the Joys of student night at the student union. We say purchased… willed into existence was more like it. No student discount on ebay after all.  _

_ Dog was rather fond of his new mode of transport. The further away he was from the floor of the tube the better.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just all the guff that goes on in my brain when I'm sitting stuck in non demonic traffic .   
Not beta read just spewing it out to the world enjoy

**Author's Note:**

> Ok comments and kudos make me happy.


End file.
